Most young people spend a large amount of time talking about sex with their mates. All sex types in point – another sex, the sex of ours, good sex, how much sex and sex which is bad. We are quite prepared to be upfront about the simple fact we think that talking about sex (and planning on it too) is completely natural and entirely healthy.
Then something came along that made me realise that there is one facet of sex we didn’t ever talk about. That something was an Oscar nominated film performance from an actress named Helen Hunt. The film is called’ The Sessions’ and it is all about sex and disability. I realised we have not been talking about disability and sex. The issue is being brushed under the floor covering and that is not healthy. I reckon it is time to get talking.
THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT DISABLED PEOPLE GETTING SEX AT SCHOOL EITHER
Sex education at just about all schools school is generally only truly focused on relationships between individuals who don’t have a disability. This tends to mean people which are young with a disability aren’t informed about sex and relationships. Think it through and you begin to realise this could add up to the concept that sex isn’t for disabled individuals. Reflected in the ideas of wider society it turns into a taboo subject.
You have likely seen or at least heard of the Channel 4 programme’ The Undateables’. It is generally a dating show for people with disabilities. The show challenges the perspective that obtaining a disability somehow can make you non-sexual or asexual. It shows that disabled people, almost as anyone, want to find a partner for sex, like and all the other stuff boys and girls (or perhaps boys and boys, and women and females) do together.
Some folks are worried that the programme exploits individuals in the show. In reality, the name of the show give’s the incorrect impression and it is rather exploitative.’ Undateable’ in who is views – who’s to judge. Jumping to conclusions about exploitation is able to bring about sexual rights being compromised, leaving people feeling like they can’t, or have no right, to sexually convey themselves.
THE GLEE OF SEX
As mentioned above sex and disability is topical with the release of’ The Sessions’. It tells the true story of a male with a male paralysed from the neck down who works on a sex surrogate to forfeit his virginity. The film challenges the perspective that folks with disabilities don’t want to acquire physical relationships. The notion that folks with disabilities do not include sexual desires implies that these desires are overlooked.
The film shows a male overcoming his insecurities and also fighting for a right that he feels he deserves. The film has done a great job at getting people bringing and talking problems into the spotlight.
Sex and disability aren’t addressed together very much in TV. and movies But remember when Artie from Glee lost his virginity to the hot cheerleader? One of the things he said was that he wasn’t really certain he could have sex after his accident. This’s a standard worry and one which might make folks cautious of entering into a relationship during the first place.
What is A SEX SURROGATE?
A sex surrogate is not the same as a prostitute. Sexual surrogacy is based around therapy and calls for attending several times over some months. A surrogate addresses psychological and physical problems.
Individuals with physical disabilities which rely on a carer find it particularly challenging to have sexual relationships. Oftentimes people’s carers are their parents, who may be overprotective making it a lot more hard to express sexual desires.
On one hand this can result in feelings of isolation and also shame. However some parents who are carers pay for sexual surrogates for their children when they’re old enough. It isn’t part of life that a parent expects being involved in so that it can be tough. But being open about desires can avoid resentment as it recognizes the validity of sexual thoughts.
There are a few companies that are particularly for this that find sex workers for disabled individuals. They function within the law, have been vetted and are accustomed to dealing with people who have disabilities.
IN THE NEWS – SUS-SEX
Back in march sex and Disability had been in the news when it was discovered that sex workers were used in care homes in Sussex. The revelations received a mixed response. Some men and women are worried that this opens the door to the potential for exploitation. Others protect it, stating the sexual surrogates are doing one thing that care employees are unable to, each morally and by law.
For most, using a sex worker and understanding that they can be intimate, can give the confidence that they have to have a relationship with an long-term partner. Learning that they have some actual physical sexual capability to back up the sexual desires of theirs raises their confidence.
Others may well not need to use a sex worker and would like to hold off until they’re in a relationship. Going directlyto Glee, Artie was worried that he lost his virginity through’ meaningless’ sex – albeit as an expression by a caring friend. He was encouraged to lose the virginity of his as he wasn’t certain he could have sex. After the encounter he was left hoping he had waited.
You are able to create your own mind up about whether first sexual encounters are always meaningful. However this reaction in is a reflection that individuals with disabilities experience the same fears about sex and love as everyone else.
And so, We need to GET TALKING
There’s a lot to think about. Some have concerns that using sex workers can cause abuse of people that are insecure. While sexual desires are important, exploitation is a problem. Although in case you comply with the thought that sex workers are themselves being exploited the problem becomes who’s exploiting whom.
For this reason it’s crucial for there to be honest and open conversations about the issues. As a result, disabled people are able to believe that any sexual desires they’ve are normal.
Half of the battle is making society more aware of the issues; this is first step to combating stigma on the subject.